Behind the Wall
by Awlric Hayell
Summary: Eh? Oh, you want a summary. well, Harry and Neville are stuck behind a wall to take a break from the Final Battle for Hogwarts. The rest, well, you'll see. No ships, no slash, lots of WIP. Enjoy. Also with a second chapter!
1. Behind the Wall

_**Behind the wall**_

_**By Awlric Hayell**_

_This WIPpy fic is the result of a rabid plot bunny that latched onto my creative processes and wouldn't let go. And so, a crackfic is born. Enjoy…_

_**Disclaimer: I own nothing, now get off my case!**_

The scene was the Third World Wizarding War, in the heat of the final battle for Hogwarts. As the curses flew and enemy and ally alike were ripped through like tissue paper, two warriors met behind the cover of a low wall where they hunkered for protection.

Harry Potter, Boy-Who-Lived, looked over at his comrade in arms and grinned. "Hey there, Neville! Good to see you're still alive."

"Gah!" Bringing up his wand, Neville Longbottom nearly cursed Harry into a smoking heap of ashes. "Harry? That you? For Merlin's sake, don't do that! I nearly killed you!"

Harry grinned even wider. "Good to see some vigilance out here. So, what's a nice guy like you doing in a place like this?"

Neville smirked. "Oh, you know, the usual. Pondering the meaning of life, watching clouds, killing Death Eaters. Same old, same old. How about you?"

Harry peeked out from behind the wall and quickly ducked back as an **Avada Kedavra** missed him by a hair. "You know me. I've got a 'saving people' thing. It's what I do."

Neville snorted as he struggled to keep down a laugh. "Are we insane, joking like this in the middle of what is likely to be the most important battle in Wizarding history?" Catching a glimpse of black robes and white mask, he fired a quick **Reducto** that caught the Death Eater's leg.

A familiar female voice screamed in pain as the robed figure fell.

Harry blinked. "Is it just me, or does that Death Eater sound remarkably like Bellatrix Lestrange?"

Neville growled, eyes narrowed in rage. "It's not just you." Pouring all of his hate and rage into one spell, Neville uttered two words that would avenge his parents.

"**Avada Kedavra.**"

The green light of death sped on silent wings toward Bellatrix Lestrange, Torturer of Neville's parents and Killer of Sirius Black, finally ending her damned life in this realm.

Harry blinked again, then grinned. "Good on ya, Nev. That's one less crazy to worry about."

Neville sighed and leaned his back against the wall. "At least my soul can rest in peace."

Harry peeked back over the wall to check on the battle and his eyes widened when his mind finally registered what he saw. Ducking back down, he turned towards Neville with an aura of morbid finality around him. "I don't think we're in the clear just yet, Nev. Voldemort's brought out the demons…where did you get that cigarette?"

Neville finished one last drag on his Lucky Seven and blew a cloud of smoke into the air. "Oh, this? I grabbed it out of a passing plothole."

"…Enough of that. It's just silly." Harry deadpanned.

"Whatever." Neville flicked the cigarette over the wall, where it was blasted by a stray **Reducto**. "Now what do we do about the demons?"

Harry's expression was a study in blankness. "You know what…" Neville leaned towards Harry in anticipation of a plan. "…I have no idea, but I'll think of something." Neville's face connected with the ground as his rear slipped out from under him. Harry winced. "That looked like it hurt."

"Go bugger yourself." Neville mumbled from his position on the ground.

"Well." Harry steeled himself. "I'm going out there to face him whether he likes it or not. But, knowing him, he'll give a long winded speech about how I'll never beat him and all that, so I think I'll just kill him there. You with me?"

Neville stared at Harry. "And you think that's going to work."

Harry shrugged. "You got a better plan?"

Neville grinned. "We could dress like schoolgirls and hope he dies from laughter."

This time it was Harry's turn to greet the ground with his face. "You know what…that does hurt."

Neville cracked up.

Harry returned to a sitting position. "And to answer your earlier question, yes, I think we're both nutters. Who wouldn't be after all we've been through?"

Neville grinned. "Too true, too true. Shall we?"

Harry let an expression of elation take over his features. "Onwards?"

Neville grinned in response. "For great justice."

As one, they leapt from behind their cover, wands out and cursing every black robed figure that crossed their path. "_Chaaaaarrrrrge!!!!!!_"

_**The End**_

_**A/N:** Well? Was it funny? Strange? Random? Absolutely Barmy? Did you like it? Please do let me know. Review!_


	2. Behind the Large Rock

_**Behind the Wall 2: Behind the Large Rock**_

_**By: Awlric Hayell**_

_From the mind that wrote Behind the Wall, It's BtW 2: Behind the Large Rock. The initial charge didn't work and now Harry and Neville are taking Refuge behind a large rock. Here's their silly conversation!_

_**Chapter start!**_

"Gah!" Dodging another Avada Kedavra, Harry Potter, Boy-Who-Lives-To-Kill-He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named, ducked behind a large rock, where he found, to his surprise, Neville Longbottom (again). "Hey Neville, fancy meeting you here again."

Neville, who was nursing a minor cut from where he was nicked by the shrapnel of a Blasting Curse, grinned. "It's a small battle after all, isn't it? How have you been?"

Harry tossed a small rock over the top of the Large rock, where it was hit with a Disintegration Curse and was reduced to its component parts. "Eh, same ol', Same ol'. Fighting summoned demons, dodging Curses and hexes, killing Death Eaters…you know, the usual."

Neville took a long draft on his Lucky Strike before blowing a smoke ring. "Yeah, that demon is tougher then it looked."

Harry was staring at Neville again. "Got another one of those?"

Neville reached into what looked like a dark rip in the universe and grabbed a box of Lucky Strikes. "Here."

Harry lit one on a passing Fireball and took a drag before going into a coughing fit. "Merlin! How can you stand these?!"

Neville shrugged. "I just do. Don't know how."

Harry blinked. "Wait a minute. What was the dimensional-rip looking thing you pulled those fags out of?"

Neville looked at Harry strangely. "That was the Plot Hole I was telling you about. They usually appear due to badly written works of wizarding fiction. Apparently, the Plot Hole was a minor discovery of the last decade. I only know about them because of an obscure reference in some Herbology book. Quite useful, these Plot Holes."

Harry went into a thinking position. "What can one find in these Plot Holes?" He asked Neville deviously.

Neville blinked. "Well…theoretically, one should be able to find anything in a Plot Hole. I guess its some sort of naturally occurring Infinite Probability Phenomena."

Harry grinned. "Are you thinking what I'm thinking, Nev?"

"I think so, Harry, but where are we going to find a trained hippo to dance the Macarena at this time of year?" Neville deadpanned with a smile.

Harry succumbed to the natural forces of shock and his face met the ground with a thud in a spectacular facevault. "…Ow."

Neville laughed. "I'm sorry Harry, I couldn't resist."

Harry returned to a sitting position, grumbling. "What I was thinking before that ridiculously silly remark was that we use one of these Plot Holes to pull out a Plot Device of some sort to take out the Big Bad Voldie."

"Hmm.." Neville replied, stroking his 5 o'clock shadow. "That's a bloody good idea. Let's give it a go."

Harry reached into a passing Plot Hole and pulled out…a really small, strange-looking silver gun with what looked like a needle on the end. "What in Merlin's name is this?"

_**---Elsewhere---**_

Agent J reached into his shoulder holster for his favorite gun, the Noisy Cricket as he faced a hostile alien. "Alright, you little bastard, your…going…to…get..it..now?" The gun was missing! "Who the hell took my gun?!"

_**---Back to Harry---**_

Neville looked at it in confusion. "I don't know."

Harry studied it some more. "It looks like some sort of gun."

Neville was confused. "What's a gun?"

Harry shook his head. "Never mind. I think I'll use this."

At a lull in the spell-fire, Harry leaned out from behind the rock, pointed the gun at Voldemort, and pulled the trigger. BOOM! "Whoa!" Harry was thrown back several feet as Voldemort's body below the neck and the center mass of the demon behind him vanished in a gory display of blood and guts.

Everything stopped as Death Eater and Auror alike simply stared at the bloody head of Voldemort in shock.

Harry scrambled back behind the rock as Neville looked him over, concerned. "Well?! What did it do?!"

Harry leaned back against the rock and reached into another passing Plot Hole, pulling out 2 fine Cuban Cigars. "Voldemort no longer exists and I do believe the fat lady has sung. Cigar?"

_**The End.**_

_Well? Sufficiently crazy? Leave a review! The Author thrives on crazy and random reviews! Please review, onegai? ._


End file.
